Friday, July 30, 2010

Since Gramma doesn't like the F-bomb.

Check out our wedsite!

I started the wedsite so that all of our relatives can get info about the wedding so I don't get a buttload of emails and texts and calls the week of the wedding.  Because I don't want to have a nervous breakdown and strangle a hobo.  Also, I realized that I let my sailor mouth run free on this blog, and some of my relatives might not understand my sarcasm and send the ASPCA over to my apartment because they think I'm really considering stuffing my cats into jars for the wedding.  Which I kind of am still, but shhhhh.

I feel like if I don't pound the NO DATES thing into certain guests, they're going to just ignore it and bring their flavor of the months to my wedding and I'm going to have to shake hands with a bunch of dudes with used car salesman handshakes.  NOT INTO IT DON'T DO IT.  So that info is worded much more nicely in the FAQ section of the wedsite.

Let's see if it works.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Negative nancies.

When I first announced that Chris and I were getting married,  we received tons of supportive messages from friends telling us how excited they were for us.  There's that saying that 'everyone loves babies!', which I do NOT understand or agree with... instead I think everyone loves engagements and seeing their friends be happy and sparkly rings and promises of photo booths at weddings.

But then there's those dark little evil hookers lurking in the corner, complaining and snickering for whatever reasons.

Recently I was made aware of a friend of a friend, who for some reason thought it was perfectly fine to talk shit about different aspects of my wedding to one of my best friends/bridesmaids, who promptly told me because that's what awesome friends do.  Who in their right mind would talk shit about someone to that person's best friend?  Obviously a mega tard.  I realized that for once in my life, the whole 'they're talking about you because they're jealous' thing moms tell their teenage daughters is actually true.  Because who would talk shit about someone's happiness and big awesome day?  I can't really come up with any reason other than jealousy and lack of anything seriously awesome in their lives.

And for that, I feel bad for you.  Not really that bad, because you suck and I hope you and people like you get an incurable rash and/or malaria or dysentery or something else on the ailment list from Oregon Trail.

So, to all of my lovely lady friends out there, if this kind of stuff happens before your big day, confront it, have your protective friends attack it, get it taken care of and out of your life.  The last thing you need is to waste any time thinking about some Negative Nancy Debbie Downer Martha Mopeyface.  You have lots of more important things to deal with.

But you could always go for some manual karma and put dog shit under their car door handles.  Just sayin'.

Friday, July 16, 2010

If the cats don't stop shedding, I'm putting them in jars and displaying them at the reception.

GUH.  Cat fur in the summer.  So gross.  It's all over the house and somehow it ends up in my mouth and then I almost puke on the cats because it grosses me out so much.  So while trying to think of solutions, and while Joel is currently headbutting me AND IT'S TOTALLY ANNOYING JOEL (I hope cats can read), I have come to the conclusion that I'm going to stuff them into jars and put them on display at the reception.  See?  This is why I have a blog and don't say things out loud because I end up thinking about stuff that even creeps me out.

So I've been researching lots of fun Halloween-y reception decoration ideas that don't involve dead cats.  Our venue, like many others, doesn't allow you to tack up stuff on the walls and wants us to use something to catch wax in like little plates or human skulls if we're using candles.  So most of the decor will be on guest tables and the candy buffet.

So far, here's the inspiration I've found.
How cute are these?  And they look so simple.  I remember making a similar crafty thing like this in elementary school using baby food jars.  I've been collecting empty olive and sting bean jars from work so I can get a head start on these.

I was already thinking of having a drunken pumpkin carving party at our place before the wedding for some extra decorations, but I love the idea of painting them with chalkboard paint and leaving them on tables or just around the venue with chalk so guests can design them.  Although I'm sure by the end of the night they'll be covered in poorly drawn penises.

We're doing a set list of a few cocktails and then beer and wine.  I like this little chalkboard frame and the silly drink names and the cauldron o' beer.

I love this table set up!  But each guest table is going to be named after a famous horror movie location, like Bates Motel, The Winchester, Camp Crystal Lake, Elm St., etc, so I have to figure out how to incorporate that in.

Speaking of Bates Motel, I read about an awesome guest book table idea.  The website suggested dressing up a skeleton like Norman Bates' mom and setting up the table like the front desk of the motel.  Awesome.  Now I'm on a hunt for a human skeleton.

Send me ideas if you see any!

Monday, July 5, 2010

fiance is a genius.

I've been racking my brain trying to think of cute engagement photo ideas.  I'm so sick of the cliche ones that I see everywhere, but no, I'm not going to list what ones I totally hate cos odds are someone's going to read this blog and get offended, and it's going to be a friend or acquaintance or family member or gramma and they're gonna be like 'Wow that Christy is one big crusty bitch', and I'M NOT A CRUSTY BITCH.

Super awkward.  Super gross.

Anywhoser, I was going through a random file on my compy and I saw a still of John Cusak in 'Say Anything' where he's holding up a boom box to his lady's upstairs window playing Peter Gabriel.  I jokingly told Chris that we should replicate that shot, and he said 'Hey, we should do the last scene in 'Sixteen Candles' too, with the birthday cake.

DING!  Brilliant idea light bulb.  So now we need to compile a list of awesomely adorable and recognizable stills from films.

Like this one.